This is going to be extremely hard to write.
John, my father-in-law, died on Tuesday, August 8, 2006 at 4:05.
It was not expected and although he was battling cancer, it is believed to be unrelated.
I was going to post all about the bicycle trip, but currently that doesn’t seem appropriate.
Funeral planning is underway, I will post details that are appropriate.
I think its update no. 3.
John has been at the VA hospital for like 48 hours straight. He was informed that they didn’t get enough cells to type the cancer, although they know that it is cancer. After he spoke with an oncologist, she let him know that she thought it was most likely not metastisized melanoma, but more likely lymphoma. If it is lymphoma, his current state is actually very good, it would be classifed by most professionals (and all my website reading) as stage 1. That’s not definative, but *exhale* a little relief.
The oncologist is trying to work with the surgeon to get a larger sample from the lymph-nodes, but the surgeon is kind of being a punk. The surgeon thinks that he shouldn’t do the operation, but the oncologist (who I think has a better grasp on the cancer) becuase it will delay his chemo. Um… the oncologist should make that call. This is the same surgeon who wanted to google jockey the whole time. I have a feeling I don’t like this guy. He looks a little like the, Dr. Lucien Dubenko the ER (NBC) surgeon.
He might not get any kind of treatment or surgery until August 2 or 3. We will be gone… but he might not get treatment then… we shall see.
Esther’s dad had his biopsy today. It was a pretty rough procedure. I got to the hospital a little after 10:30, having raced to get there at a descent time, and had to sit and wait. John’s appointment was scheduled for 11, but he didn’t get seen until 11:20 and that was after he bugged every person who entered the waiting room. It was weird the way he went into the appointment though. He just gave Marina his wallet and went around the corner. No hug, no “I’ll see you in a bit”, no “don’t worry, I’ll be fine”. It was just a little weird. I know that he was really stressed before his appointment. He was abnormally quiet, he’s normally a very jovial guy, but when I got there he was in a contemplative state.
Then we waited.
One nurse came out and said that it would only be a 30 minute procedure, then another came out and said that it would be a quick 45 minute procedure, and a little after that, another nurse came out and said it could be an hour. I don’t think they knew how long it could be.
Esther arrived a little bit after that and we were sitting in the waiting room, just waiting.
The waiting room started to fill up, so I vacated my chair to make way for the people who really needed. I grabbed my bag and went down the hall and continued to read “The World is Flat” and we waited.
I was really hungry. I had to try and get something. Esther and I walked around the hospital and after finding a vending machine and getting a chicken salad sandwich, we walked back to the waiting area. Esther’s phone was ringing on our way back up, it was her mom and she let us know that John was out of surgery.
We went to a different waiting room, I guess it was a recovery room. I had my sandwich which was horrible, John ate a granola bar, drank some pomegranate juice and winced in pain.
He looked like he was in a lot of pain. They had to go back in and take a second sample to get enough tissue. They also had to drain fluid from his lymph node, which sound wholly unpleasant.
Now finally, the ball can start rolling.
Today is John’s biopsy. I’m going to be there to support Marina (his wife) and it looks like it might be a long wait. Do hospitals have wi-fi? I have packed a bag of snacks for us, because Marina is a little bit of a health nut. I mentioned us eating from the vending machine and she turned her nose up.
His appointment is at 11, but they want him to check in at 10:30 because it is a real surgery kind of procedure. Last night they were talking about being to the hospital at 9. I guess that’s how they deal with the stress, but it’s just going to make more uncomfortable hospital time (I guess that’s just me though).
If the hospital has wi-fi, I’ll update as I can, but if not I’ll post later.
I just got back from the first appointment with John about his cancer (read more) and we got absolutely nothing done! I’m really pissed at the VA hospital, the surgeon we saw, and at John! Let me tell you why:
The VA doesn’t do a “team-based” approach to treatment, so the initial problem was that the oncologist needed a biopsy to confirm the type of cancer (understandble) but the surgeon didn’t want to operate on the groin lymph nodes because it would leave him with unpleasant side-effects (swelling in the legs, possible blood clots) and might delay his chemo treatment. This means that nothing got done today. No biopsy and we only revealed these problems with the VA.
Luckily a nurse (who’s name I didn’t get) worked for us in getting the oncologist and surgeon to talk about getting an ultrasound or C-T scan with a biopsy of the spots on his liver. This nurse was awesome, he was running back and forth between 3 different departments trying to get a staight answer from someone. For that I thank him. Also it makes me really proud that my sister is going to be doing that for other people.
The surgeon and his bedside manner left much to be desired. The VA has a super slick computer system that allows records and information to be accessed from anywhere. They can pull up records from any hospital. It gets rid of the paper medical records that I am used to from my growing up, which is excellent.
The problem with the electronic medical records is that the surgeon spent more time looking at a computer screen and typing than he did looking John in the eye and listening to what he was saying. It was really hard for me to put up with. I have finally found a use for the tablet PC. If the surgeon had a tablet, it would have allowed him to sit and look at his patient (my father-in-law) while still taking notes and accessing this electronic system. He was cold in the fact that sometimes he was concentrating more on what was on the screen that the person in the flesh. It has really shown me what I sometimes do to people. I am going to start working on that.
The last part that pisses me off was John himself. I don’t know if you can be pissed at cancer patients, but if you can’t, that sucks.
John pushed back the ultrasound appointment without even consulting with a doctor. It interfered with a trip to Maine. The thing that pissed me off was that it appears that his form of cancer is really aggresive and putting it off is not helping. If he wouldn’t have moved for a completely unnesseccary trip, he could have had his biopsy later this week and then July 5 could have started his treatment, but instead he’s in denial and doesn’t want to get the biopsy until July 5.
I know that he’s scared. I am to, but you have to manage your illness, the doctors won’t (that became apparent when talking to the surgeon). We have to keep ontop of everything that is happening to him, but he’s not willing to commit to beating this. It’s scary, but will a trip to Maine get you cured? No. Geting a biopsy will though… or it will put you on the path to recovery.
Tags: cancer, VA, veterans administration, healthcare, health care, surgeon, tablet pc use, jered, jeredb, jeredb.com
This week was really rough.
Wednesday after a long staff retreat, Esther and I learned that her dad has cancer. He had a scare about a year ago. Melanoma on a butt cheek. It was operated on and we thought everything was great. He even went in for a 6 month scan which showed nothing.
He has had an abnormal bump in his groin, but we all thought it was a hernia or some other common ailment. Luckily he is proactive about his health. He went to the doctors and they did a scan. He got his results on Tuesday and told Esther, who told me on Wednesday.
Esther hasn’t been taking it well. Wednesday night we were both a wreck. John and Marina came by and we talked about what would happen. John has an appointment with an oncologist on the 26th of this month. We talked about how we are going to help with the treatment and how Esther and I will be working with them to take care of the yard and any other things that need to be done around the house. I told John that I want to go with him to his appointments. I want to be his advocate and I know that he or Esther or Marina wouldn’t be able to seperate the emotions enough to ask the tough and serious questions. I also told him that I wanted to take him to and from his chemo, if that’s needed. I know the way he thinks, and he wouldn’t want his wife or daughter seeing him weak.
Needless to say Wednesday nights sleep was horrible.
Thursday brought a long planning meeting at work which was good, but my concentration was not there. I know I was helping the group, but I know I would have been more effective had I been rested.
Thursday night was wild. Oscar had 5 seizures in the course of the night, most of which involved him losing control of this bowels. It was not a fun night. I had to clean up a lot of dog poo and it felt like it was happening every 2 hours.
That lead to Friday. Again with less than optimal sleep, I went to work. Esther was taking the dog to the vet and she called me during a very important meeting with an Apple rep. She was in tears and said that the vet had mentioned that maybe putting Oscar down was the best for him. She was going to set it up for Saturday. The hardest thing was that I wanted to cry but I was in the middle of the hallway at work and had to go back into this Apple meeting, so I had to choke back tears. ARGH.
What compounded this situation was that a major project (a 40 page, 4 color book) was sent back by the client saying they wanted a complete reprint by Monday. First off the goal of a reprint by Monday was insane and completely not possible. Second the changes that they wanted should have been caught during the editing process. They should have been caught before the editing process, when the text was coming into their office, but that’s another problem completely. So we, me along with the boss and a co-worker, busted our butts to get the project turned around. The edits all got made, but I don’t think that its going to get printed by Wednesday (the new deadline). The changes that were to be made were really not anything that required a reprint, so it added to an already stressful day.
Other projects that had to be finished on Friday were a theatre card and a mock-up for a newspaper glossy ad. The meeting was about podcasting. We had a rep from Apple come in and demo iTunes U to us. iTunes U will be an awesome platform for us to use. The rep answered alot of our questions and also sparked a lot of creative thinking. It was a good meeting overall.
I’m thinking that I need to talk to the boss about reconfiguring my position to allow me to focus on “new media” advertising for the University. I don’t know what she will think about it, but I think that if I can get out of the hassles of design and move more towards digital produciton (podcasts, vidcasts, blog and web integration) that would make me really happy.
Will recharge this weekend. Will keep updates on John coming.
Tags: work, podcast, “itunes U”, “bad day”, jered, jeredb, jeredb.com
