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I eluded in my last post that I there has been a point in my life that I changed from being Catholic to being Buddhist. That point has been a long time coming and I want to explain how I came to that point.

When I was getting ready to be confirmed in as a Catholic, the leader of the confirmation class goaded us to ask questions. This lead to long debates over spiritual topics and how church dogma related to modern living. This lead to long Socratic sessions on the role of faith, the church and religion. Most of the answers I got were satisfactory, but a number were not.

This was the same time I was in biology and chemistry, learning the physical nature of the universe and the spiritual and physical did not seem to be able to coexist. This was solidified by when I took physics in my junior year of high school.

I was not happy with a purely scientific view of the world, there are still things that are unexplained and there will always by the larger questions of “Why are we here?” and “What is the meaning of life?”, I was simply not happy with the responses I got to questions regarding the intersection of science, faith, and scientific ethics and morality.

These unsatisfied answers sat and festered. I was not religious in college, I can count on one hand the number of times I attempted to go to church. Emphasis on attempted. The things I did learn in college were continuations of things my parents had taught me. I took a sociology course with Gary Wilson, one of the best professors I had, in which he forced me, through introspection and well chosen reading, to really think about what I believed in. Themes of social justice, a person’s self worth and equality were prevalent. I don’t think this was his intention, but it really pushed me into a place of discomfort with my relationship with my Catholic upbringing.

After graduation, when Esther and I moved to Virginia, we moved in together against the wishes of my parents. It was an economic decision, and after we assured my parents that we intended to get married, they dropped the subject, although I knew it did not sit well with them.

As we picked a date to get married, we tried to go back to church, knowing that a Catholic wedding was the only way both of our parents would be satisfied. We tried five of the seven local churches and I was disappointed in all of them. Fire and brimstone seemed to permeate the ground around the pulpit. Homophobic and chauvinistic messages spewed forth from most of the priests, while the book they read from spoke of loving all of mankind, regardless. This clearly was not the place for me.

But the wedding, oh yes, the wedding had to be Catholic. There was no way around it and as I started to understand that a wedding is not about the people getting married but about the people attending, I knew that I would have to bite the bullet. We found a priest who we thought would help us through the process of getting married, but instead he insulted our choice of venue, grilled us over our living situation and made both of us feel generally uncomfortable. Not our guy. In desperation, a friend of a friend who knew a priest in a town 65 miles away introduced us to the priest who would marry us. Finally, that hurdle was over.

Esther and I were married. But something was missing, not between us, but for me. I was angry a lot of the time. Not at any one thing, but in general, a level of tension filled my life and lead to a few blow ups at home. Eventually I realized that I need to ask the larger questions again, but I need to do them in a framework that didn’t conflict with my inner compass as much. So did was I always do: research.

I looked at every religion, Judaism, Ba’hai, Islam, the varied flavors of Christianity, and the only one that I found that I could really believe in was Buddhism. It seemed to quell the festering questions of my youth and gave me a new outlook on the way I live my life and how I treat those in it. I felt like I had a things to reach for, enlightenment to attain. And even the more esoteric parts of buddhism, like reincarnation fit well with my desire for the natural to be explained by science. Energy is never created or destroyed, merely transferred from one state to another. The total amount of energy in the universe is constant. - The law of conservation of energy

Am I saying that being Catholic made me an angry person? In some instances, yes, but for the larger part, no. I am saying that being Buddhist has given me a framework to deal with my anger more effectively that before. I am more content with what I have, I am okay with my losses. I don’t hold grudges, I am more generous than I ever was before. I have found a sense of equanimity with myself, my relationships and my universe.

My choice has created a weird tension with my family. People has referred to my decision as having “issues”, which I am okay with, although it sounds like I have a rash on a sensitive body part. I would like to talk with people about my “issues”. I found a book which explains Buddhism in the least mystic terms and gave it to my parents, I don’t know if they are reading it. I know my grandparents are probably weirded out. In the end, I guess this post follows the theme of the previous. I am available in multiple ways, including the phone If you need my number, email me first. If you have some lingering weirdness in regards to my choice to be Buddhist, contact me.

I started blogging part way through 2002. I have gone on and off in my frequency of posting, but I have maintained this blog the entire time. The reason why I write a blog is to keep friends, family and the occasional passerby informed, up-to-date and entertained. I have always had comments that were open and I have read everyone, although not always responded and I have been a bad blogger in that regard. I have a sunset on when comments can be posted to any post which is only necessary to cut down on the amount of comment spam I get. I have extended that to a full year, allowing someone who finds any post to drop me a line if they so choose.

If comments have ever been closed on a particular post, I have always included a way to contact me, generally via email in the form of my contact page, but I have in the past few months included all of the other social networks that I am a part of. The comment form is probably the quickest way to get a hold of me, although, hitting me up with a message on any of the other means I provide are probably just as efficient.

I have removed a single post from this blog. It was written in anger and hurt the feelings of a colleague whom I value. It was work related and after initially sticking to my guns about posting, I recanted, realizing that the value of the vent was outweighed by the possibility that it could lead to professional trouble. Everything else that has been written, either of a serious nature or not, has been authentically me. I have been very harsh on people, but I have never shied away from the fact that they were my opinions and I would gladly stand by them.

A particular post has garnered a lot of attention lately, mainly with snarky off-site comments. It was written just under a year ago, so the comments are still open. I would gladly entertain any comments that are written, I have in the past 6 months removed all forms of moderation for comments, they get posted directly. I can understand that after posting a comment, a commenter could think that a I would delete their comment. I have only done that to spam comments, ones hawking Viagra or herbal Cialis The fact that I have included those words in my post, means I will now become the target of more spam.

The particular post I wrote was written when I was still an angry, questioning Catholic. I was researching and becoming familiar with Buddhism and its tenets and wrote the post with a half understanding of several parts of both the topic and philosophical method in which I wrote about the topic. Esther, my wife, can attest that I was a very angry man and since converting to Buddhism, my outlook and my temper have change greatly. Catholic Jered would have responded to comments that were contradictory to his beliefs with a fury, finding some flaw in his opponents logic, possibly going so low as to attack his opponents character and the things they love.

Buddhist Jered is willing to own his mistakes. I have written about plenty of things that have been heard second hand, work and personal. Buddhist Jered is also willing to admit that he doesn’t know everything, although some days at work it feels like that.

Finally, Buddhist Jered is willing to admit that 365 days can be a long time, and with the recent news that a terminal condition in one side of my family, and a health scare on the other, holding on to things in the past are futile and lead to suffering. Am I sorry for anything I’ve written, no. Not even the single post I deleted. Am I willing to admit that I don’t know everything, yes. Am I willing to make amends or atone for things that may have hurt someone, yes, that is the essence of living a fulfilling life.

If I have hurt anyone’s feeling, I would ask that they contact me in as direct a manner as they feel comfortable, either on this blog, via the contact form or in some other forum. If email is the best, please contact me: jeredb [at] gmail.com

Edited for formatting

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Intro

Today brings the start of the 2008 Tour de France with 197.5 km (122.7 mi). The stage winds from Brest to Plumelec and the last time this stage was run, it was won by Eric Zabel, who is racing today. Today’s stage is quite different with no Prologue time trial, this first stage is a real road race. This means that the man who crosses first wears the yellow jersey. This is unlike other years, and it will make for a more aggressive start. Breakaways can spoil the day, not only for the sprinters, but also for the General Classification contenders.

Stage 1

The course is fairly unremarkable, except for the uphill sprint finish. The last few hundred meters of this course cross a narrow bridge and then uphill to the line. This could kill the sprinters, or it could be good for a stronger sprinter like Thor Hushovd.

Note of Interest: When looking at the names of the category hills, Côte and Col are prefixes on most of them. After some research I have learned that a “Col” is a saddle between two higher points and “Côte” is a hillside.

Today’s Race

With Cadel Evans starting with number 1 (due to last years winner not being allowed to defend his title due to the shady past of his team, Astana), the 180 riders who started today will be looking to put their man in yellow today. Does it make sense for one of the favorites to win the Yellow today and paint a large target on themselves and their teams? An early show of strength could lead to a blow out later in the race.

An attack seven minutes into the race saw 8 riders pull away from the peleton. The breakaway includes Lilian Jegou (FDJ), Thomas Voeckler (BTL), Stephane Auge (COF), David De La Fuente (SDV), Ruben Perez (EUS), Arrieta (ALM), Lequatre (AGR), Bjorn Schroeder (MRM). The French will be happy to see their man Thomas Voeckler out in front. It is possible that he could hold onto the yellow into the second week. He probably won’t be a real GC contender, he usually blows up after Bastille Day.

The breakaway manages to put 2 minutes between them and the peleton, prepping to take the early King of the Mountains points as well as the intermediary sprint points. With 4 category climbs and three intermediary sprints, this will create an early lead in the other jersey competitions.

After the first climb, 1st going to Bjorn Schroeder (MRM), 2nd to Thomas Voeckler (BTL) and 3rd to David De La Fuente (SDV), Credit Agricole and Liquigas take over the front of the peleton and start to turn up the speed to reduce the breakaway’s almost-eight minute lead. Near the second climb, Rabobank and Caisse d’Epargne take over pulling the peleton, trying to get their GC men into a better position to finish.

The second climb points went to Thomas Voeckler (BTL), Bjorn Schroeder (MRM), and Geoffroy Lequatre (AGR) respectively, with the first sprint prizes going to Geoffroy Lequatre (AGR), Lilian Jegou (FDJ) and Ruben Perez (EUS). Remember, no time bonuses this year. How much is this going to effect the General Classifications? Have the time bonuses had a huge effect?

Fast forwarding to the feed zone, the first crash of this year. Herve Duclos-Lassalle goes down and is forced to pull out of the race with a wrist injury. 179 riders left.

An hour after the first crash, a second happens at the tail of the peleton. Goes to show that Paul Sherwin’s adage of the back is where the crashes happens is more right than wrong. Riders going down include Fabian Wegmann, Jimmy Casper, Yaroslav Popovych, Frank Schleck and Sylvain Chavanel, all who manage to rejoin the race.

The peleton starts to pick up the pace trying to reel in the escaped riders. By 151 km, they have reduced the gap to two minutes and 55 seconds.

As the gap drops, the attacks with in the breakaway start. This always seems like a stupid idea. Breakaways have a hard enough time keeping away from the peleton when they are organized, but internal fighting means there is no chance of them staying away. Gerolsteiner takes the front of the peleton, putting the pressure on the breakaway.

The breakaway has fallen apart, only two men Jegou and De La Fuente are away from the pack. With the 20 km to go, Team Columbia takes the front and starts to pull the escaped men back. As they get closer and closer to the finish various teams take the lead of the peleton, QuickStep and Silence-Lotto. As the breakaway is about to be pulled in, another crash splits the peleton, this is a big one that will keep the large group divided until the finish line.

The finish was crazy. Several attacks came and went, with Kim Kirchen appearing to get the better of the day, but in the last turn, up the hill Alejandro Valverde shot from across the gap to Kirchen, over taking him in the last 100 meters of the line.

Conclusion

All in all, a great start to this years race. A big change, forcing riders to be more aggressive, the only danger is the crash. While they are fascinating to watch and an improvement over the traditional time trial start, the crashes can be devastating to a rider or a team.

With each team knowing that they aren’t going to be able to establish large leads by starting time trials, it has forced the GC contenders to come out early, which will provide a much more interesting race. We’ll see how it works out tomorrow.

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George Hincapie was the super-domestique for Lance Armstrong throughout his seven Tour de France wins. Until 2005, he hadn’t won a stage of the Grande Tour, but since then he has had a good showing each year, even wearing the maillot jaune in 2006.

Being a fine time trialer, recently proving he was a good climber and a pretty good all-round rider, why then, does George get left in lieutenant role?

Team Columbia has put forward Kim Kirchen as the captain and team General Classification hopeful, relegating George to the second fiddle again. George is not the spring chicken he used to be. He is quickly approaching being the most senior man on the Tour and with each year, his chances of winning are becoming slimmer.

I know there are plenty of riders who float below the surface of the winners podium, but George has been one of the most consistent riders, improving his final place on the leader board each year. I hate to see “Big George” relegated to being the forever bridesmaid.

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The 2008 Tour de France is just around the corner, officially starting in July 5. This year follows the major blow out of last year’s Operación Puerto doping scandal, which sullied the name of many current and former cyclists. This means there is are massive gaps in the field. Major riders who had been coming up through the ranks are now banned. While the people who have been fingered by the should not have the same rights as those accused of criminal offenses (The image of doping is enough to ruin the sport) It will make for an interesting race.

Looking at the 21 team rosters for this year, even without knowing the exact starting teams, the number of second string cyclists who are the big names now means that the race is really open. Watching the lieutenants finally getting to manage their teams makes for good watching.

Some of the teams I am watching include Team Columbia and Garmin-Chipotle (Formerly Slipstream-Chipotle). Both of these are “American” teams and after the reign of Discovery, it will be interesting to have two budding American teams scraping it up amongst the more established “European” field.

Garmin-Chipotle

Garmin-Chipotle has got my attention firstly with their riders, secondly because they are on twitter as TeamSlipStream.

The riders who I will be watching on Garmin-Chipotle start with the sprinter Magnus Bäckstedt, I love watching the biggest, heaviest cyclist mix it up with the smaller sprinters. He is a hulk of a man and not seeing him in Liquigas Green will make him less hulk-like, but that doesn’t change his speed.

David Millar, previously banned for using performance enhancing drugs, is known for his time trial riding. While I have mixed emotions about Millar, knowing that he is riding for the “strictest” team in professional cycling gives me some hope that doping allegations will stay away for the entire ride

David Zabriskie, another time trialer and interesting character to boot, just joined Team Garmin-Chipotle, which happened after some of the Tour preview magazines were printed. Zabriskie is a strong American rider, who became the third American to ever wear the maillot jaune1. A mac user and blogger, David Z should be a fun one to watch this year.

All-rounder Christian Vande Velde, another American, has been tapped by pre-race “captain”. Vande Velde is known for his past performances as a climber, but after a 25th place finish last year, he has real potential to shine outside of the mountain stages.

Team Columbia

Team Columbia (formerly High Road, apparently), has George Hincape, Lance’s chief domestique, who I would think would be the team captain, but all of the signs are pointing to Kim Kirchen, who had a 7th place finish last year.

The team is rounded out with Servais Knaven, a great attack rider, and Bernhard Eisel, a formidable former T-mobile sprinter.

This team is an interesting mix of riders, including World Time Trial Champion, Michael Rogers, who finished 9th in the 2006 Tour, as well as Kanstantsin Svitsov and Linus Gerdemann, who both finished in the top 50 (32nd and 36th respectively).

Individuals to watch

There are several individuals I watch every year, not that they have snowball’s chance in hell, but because they are personalities and riding styles that make the Tour interesting to watch.

Jens Voigt, of CSC2 has been an incredible rider over the past few years, finishing 28th last year. He will take the ballsy moves, like breaking away from the peleton3 and manages to hang on to them as a single rider more often than some semi-organized breakaways. I love his style and to watch him race.

Thor Hushovd, Credit Agricole. Thor is a massive man, he and Magnus Bäckstedt are the tallest and heaviest riders, fitting for his namesake. Being a sprinter, it seems counterintuitive to be so large, but his size gives him power and I love to watch him get into it with my next man to watch, Robbie McEwen. Plus, with a name like Thor4, what is there not to love?

Robbie McEwen, Silence-Lotto, has be balls to say he is the fastest sprinter in the world. More often than not he is right. When things work in his favor, he can really cream the rest of the sprinters. Some times (like in 2006), when it gets really tight, McEwen has no problem throwing an elbow or head bump to make sure he wins. His scrappy style and his attitude make him a great rider to watch.

Conclusion

This years Tour is going to be a very interesting one. I am hoping to write and provide the best coverage I can this year. Unlike in previous years, I want to blog daily with results and my thoughts on the race. I hope to make that happen. Any one want to write with me?

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