Dear Pat Robertson,
I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so Im all over that action. But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating.
I may be evil incarnate, but Im no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished. Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth — glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle.
Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Havent you seen “Crossroads”? Or “Damn Yankees”? If I had a thing going with Haiti, thered be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox — that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it — Im just saying: Not how I roll. Youre doing great work, Pat, and I dont want to clip your wings — just, come on, youre making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad.
Keep blaming God. Thats working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.
Best,
Satan
via Letter of the day: Haiti suffers, and Robertson sees the hand of Satan | StarTribune.com. from pierre via lancearmstrong